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Wednesday, June 25th, 2003

Subject:de.cided
Time:5:49 pm.
Mood: crazy.
to write a real entry, about me.

I'm laurie[lauren] rose falcetano. i live in the ghetto town of toms river new jersee.my hair is currently nuclear red and so are my fingernails. my current dream is to travel all over the motherfuckahing world with my boy-o.brad patrick powers of vincentown jersee. about an hour away from my residence. i love lollipops and lolita. i want to grow up & be an underground radical.ha ha hoffman style. some people say i change subcultures like my clothes but i really don't. sometimes i don't know what i want to be but i think i've settled for the generic punk thing. can you possibly think..?
i buy most of my clothes secondhand. cause i have no problem looking like a little 80yr old lay-dee. i loverainstorms& i do too many drugs for most of my friends to be comfortable with. i like to stand on the edge of life.otherwise i'm easily bored. my favourite person in the whole wide world is my boy-o.because i think he makes me a better person than i ever could be by myself. he makes me feel happy. the only person i've ever met who've i've cared enough for t o want to be a bettah' person for.
i love getting mail like some people love gettin laid. i like going to the mailbox and finding something with my name on it. im' constantly buying zines and mixtapes and hair dye.[send me mail motherfucker].
i really really don't know where i want to be in 20+yrs, hopefully out of jersee,and the resounding areas. i want to get out of this cesspool. maybe go to philly or migrate to ny.somewhere saturated with subcultures. i get overly passionate.especially with my fear of the ordinary. i feel like my life is going to end up like the movie kids[in your grill yo]
i haven't talked to my boy-o in like.. a day..ha ha. he sent me an email..incorporating his emo-lovely phrase in there.no i'm not sharing. but it made me feel all full & fluttery.
comment on my layout cause its' hott & yer fuckin jelaous.
send me maily-o: Laurie Falcetano
1179 North Maple Ave
Toms River, Nj,08755.
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Tuesday, June 17th, 2003

Subject:i shall write now or forget later
Time:2:24 am.
Mood: rushed.
I honestly think..he is the one..as in m-a-r-r-i-a-g-e.. i can't ever see myself loving anyone else ever.
Not even wanting to touch anyone else.
He cried tonight..trying to get the words out..how much he loved me.. he fucking cried..and i cried.. he said it kills him..fuckin hurts him..to be away from me..wether it be 5 seconds or 5 days.He'd die for me, as i would be him, because without his love, life is a bleak state.


He says i'm the most beautiful girl in the world. The most beautiful girl he's ever seen. and that i can't ever leave him..he whimpered..he begged.. i cried..and melted and cried. and pledged infinite love. He's my darling only star in the velvet sky. and i love him more than forever exists.
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Thursday, June 12th, 2003

Subject:The wonders never cease.
Time:1:13 am.
Mood: crazy.
: I love you lauren
Ioveimperfectly: ::blink:: whoa..
: ::Kisses:: I love lauren rose falcetano :P

The WORLD knows my name is Laurie.. well not really and using my full name is just beyond me..and i can barely breathed.. forever is foever and i love him more than that.
Laurie
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Saturday, May 31st, 2003

Subject:wow.
Time:12:00 pm.
Mood: confused.
i never update this thing anymore. my picture sever has gone out on me.. therefore killing the layout i worked hard on. :/
Aside from that i got terribly stoned last night. it was a sweet experince, one of my best.
I'm buying shit on all these websites spending all my money cause i'm a loser. Me & my boyfriend are the biggest losers there ever was.I think i forgot to care about the statement, but we are.

What am i supposed to do?.. i could pass school and be a good little girl.. easily, but that would mean leaving him beyond. my only star in the sky.

<3-Laurie
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Monday, May 26th, 2003

Subject:...?
Time:6:54 am.
muscle relaxers?.. do they do anything for yah?
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Friday, May 23rd, 2003

Subject:theres battlescars.
Time:4:17 pm.
Mood: touched.

of all the shootingstars i knew
i never felt at ease with anyone but you
don't ever wonder where i go
remember that the grass still grows beneath the snow

when everything around turns blue
just fall asleep and wake when it's all through

there's battlescars on all my guitars but i still come out here and play

and now i've lost your touch again
i know i'm only one in 20,000 men
i promise not to let you go
just close your eyes and sleep right through the falling snow

when i finally wash ashore
i'm coming back to kiss the girl i kissed before
of all the shootingstars i knew
i never fell for anyone but you

there's battlescars on all my guitars but i still come out here and play
there's battlescars on my face and my arms but you still kiss me everyday
there's battlescars on all my guitars but i still come out everyday
there's battlescars on my face and my arms but you still kiss me anyway


I want someone to dedicate this song to me.
i want it to be mine for eternity
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Friday, May 16th, 2003

Subject:sweet days, sweeter nights
Time:12:23 am.
i'm so in love my chest hurts. and i forget how to breathe.. and this song brings delirious tears to my eyes. and i want to live in these moments forever. i want us to grow ridulously old together. & die. in eachothers arms. at a patheitically old age.
my wish
[Don't know why by Norah Jones is the most beautiful song ever]
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Monday, May 12th, 2003

Subject:you'll be on my mind...for-ever...
Time:2:51 pm.
Mood: calm.
I would cross the endless sea, i would die in xtc, but i'd be a bag of bones, driving down the road alone
Could Laurie possibly be this in love, ladies and gentlemen?..
I think the answer to that question is a YES YES YES, i can't stop, but i want to smile, even when nothing is going right for me, he makes me smile, inch by inch he lets me in, inside his head..his "everything".. heh..this song is funny, one he made me download in exchage for some emo tune, i begged for.
I say his name so much i swear it leaves a taste in my mouth, sweet like drugs, but bitter too, cynical from..what?..young loss?..
He never speaks of his dad,i don't even know if the subject is sensitive, except he told me he didn't cry, thats okay.. i totally cry enough for us both.
"She" is nothing..she is a speck, less than that..nothing.. he never loved anyone like me..and never will..he'll always love his Laurie..his cupcake.
I never thought. i never thought. i never thought.
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Wednesday, April 9th, 2003

Subject:dundunbamdunbam
Time:2:07 pm.
hahah i'm in the skool library. typing like a fiend cause i'm the bitch who never updates this thing anymore. my nose is so dry. my luck it will start gushing blood again. oh great globs of bloody fucking joy. been snorting percs for the last 3 night straight. i'm so perc'ed out .i feel like a cokey face! Promised my brad-o to give it up for a while cause hes' all worried about laurie. :D
cuuupcake. i think my therapist oppiontment is canceled today, ye gads :D
<3-Laurie
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Thursday, March 27th, 2003

Subject:finally [have i used that before?]
Time:12:29 am.
Mood: embarrassed.
Its so strange...like this weight and pain is gone..
I told him..why its' so hard to tell people how i feel..how its' easier to keep things inside...
And i told him..that i'm afraid of being hurt. and that i love him so much.. and he understood..and was sweet..and encouraging..even when i said how other girls are sweeter and funny-er. and smarter. he said "but i'm nuts about you, so why the fuck do they matter?".. and i seemed to be able to explain than, the pain of getting fucked over.
E v e r y t h i n g.. and the weight is gone off my chest. and ..i think it will make things easier now.
he's so lovely..
<3-Laurie
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Tuesday, March 25th, 2003

Subject:a thought..
Time:5:19 pm.
Mood: crazy.
did you notice.? both my journals are like one really long and bittersweet loveletter.
you know he doesn't read this right?
I would never let him, all the times i cried and never told him. Damn my fucking pride.
I never actually update this with stories of my long and overrated suburban teenage life. Mall this friday, hands down.
Went over Justin's the past two days, i didn't give up
It was chill like ice cubes in your freezer babycake.
I think i'll take more piktures to post. Cause i'm so vain like that you know.
<3xlaurie
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Sunday, March 23rd, 2003

Subject:Realization in mininum.
Time:1:45 am.
Mood: calm.
I promise
Love imperfectly: i'll be patient.. i don't care..as long as you promised
: I promise Laurie. i swear.

I love him and even when he breaks my heart sometimes i still love him. Dramamine tonight. its' the only secret i ever kept from him. I dunno..67 dollars closer to some Foxy.. i just need to figure out how to get it sent. without the rentals knowing.. jesus.
i'm so bad. hes' right. i'm fiending.. oh
love him more than anything even drugs i swear to it
<3-Laurie
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Thursday, March 20th, 2003

Subject:cause i'm laurie
Time:11:43 pm.
Mood: curious.
just because i'm laurie i'm ranting.
yeah i miss my boyfriend but even more so i miss my fucking social life, i miss mall on fridays&hugs and stuff.
Yeah. i need some weed. or heavy drugs. i don't know
Maybe Dramamine this weekend if i please, which would own my world although break a promise to my beloved boy.
He worries too much, he says i "fiend" for drugs too much.. psh psh no such thing.
anyway..what was i saying?
oh yeah are you gay?Collapse )
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Monday, March 17th, 2003

Subject:/oddity?/
Time:1:33 am.
Mood: ecstatic.
its so weird.when he returns tell me he not so much kissed another girl.. i act like its' a big crime.. like WTF?.
I have to show him in some way, i don't care.but oh i do..
oh i love him.
he had a good time. i'm happy. i'm happy
<3333-Laurie
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Sunday, March 16th, 2003

Subject:/stonerfaces/
Time:5:45 pm.
Mood: bored.
I love brad.bam biggity bam
brad patrick powers.
hahaha i suck
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Saturday, March 15th, 2003

Subject:normal?
Time:10:08 pm.
Mood: pessimistic.
Is it normal for me to have all sorts of worries..when he leaves me for two days, well ..not even but spending a night in Philly with a bunch of other skinheads and beer?.
I'm afraid i'm going to lose him.
Jesus i'm a loser
<3-Laurie
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Wednesday, March 12th, 2003

Subject:/whee/
Time:4:09 pm.
Mood: bouncy.
Why is it a shitty day is always followed by a nice one?
I want some weed, y0 rocking out the smokables.
Last time i did i smoked out my cat and he was like..dying and being gay. -.-;
Today and yesterday were so good, making the fact that monday was so horrible i wanted to stab myself in the face. i'm so sleepy.. i think my therapist is coming to the house tonight. joyjoy..lol right. i want kandiii :D
<333-Laurie
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Tuesday, March 11th, 2003

Subject:/how/
Time:12:37 am.
Mood: distressed.
its' so hard to remember how to breathe..when all i want to do is remember how to die.
<3-Laurie
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Wednesday, March 5th, 2003

Subject:/yeah../
Time:5:46 pm.
Mood: anxious.
..i never..ever..update this..baaaad..laurie..
http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3211329105&category=11119
Eeeee! if you love Laurie..prettyful prettyful PLEASE..i want..i need...Eeeeeee!
fkerfwer! its' so pretty..i'm so poor..i'll make you kandi..i'll give you hugs..i'll send you letters.. stickers..toys...i'll be your friend for life
Pleeease
<33-Laurie
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Tuesday, March 4th, 2003

Subject:/standing on the edge/
Time:1:33 am.
Mood: aggravated.
what the hell am i doing up this late..
bawahaha..my skinhead boyfriend is so loverly...woke him up yes i did laurie is a bitch like that..
Woke him up cause i was feeling lonely and worthless.
and searching Yahoo and AOL for skinhead boys..god..what a fetish.
>.< lol skinhead duders..send me piktures i'd love you forever.
i'm so hopeless.
<3-Laurie
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